


Gently Weeps

by SaltyServal



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Feels, Based of a song again, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Clone Wars broke me, Clones, Fives Deserved Better, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I made people cry again, I think I like angst too much, Im out of tag ideas, POV CT-7567 | Rex, Platonic Relationships, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Star Wars: The Clone Wars Season 7 Spoilers, Tearjerker, Tups deserved better, crying cat meme, give the clones a hug, jesse nooooo, rex REALLY needs a hug, star wars makes me cry, they dont have ao3 accounts, this is dedicated to Richie and Exho, torturing fictional characters is a hobby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24889279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyServal/pseuds/SaltyServal
Summary: Clones do not cry. Soldiers do not cry. They are bred for battle, wired to kill. They kept pressing on, kept taking the hits. They lived through horrors brought from hell, and they experienced tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. And yet they do not cry.And yet Rex found himself in such a state where he could do nothing but gently weep.ORAfter the Order 66, Rex relives the past.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Clone Troopers, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Clone Troopers, CT-7567 | Rex & Darth Vader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	Gently Weeps

_“I don’t know why nobody told you. They bought and sold you.”_

That was what the ghosts seemed to be whispering today. 

That was what the ghosts were crying about today.

That was all Rex could hear. 

It was known as Survivor’s Guilt. It was like being haunted. All you could hear were the voices of those who died when you did not. Sometimes he saw them, too. Sometimes they appeared so life-like, it was like they never died. What he saw was those who tried to stop you from doing something, but you refused to listen at the time. 

_“I don’t know why… they controlled you…”_ Fives voice stuck out this time, and Rex could swear that he was standing _right there_ but he knew deep down, it was just a figment of his imagination, conjured up from the depths of his ocean of grief. 

The words echoed in his head, over and over again. He pressed one hand to his head, where the scar from the chip was. He had good days and bad days. Some days, there was nothing. He didn’t hear the voices, he wasn’t dragged into the looming abyss of memories. He didn’t have The Nightmares. Those were the better days.

Some days, the memories crashed down like a tsunami, their force rendering him incapticiated for the entire day as he re-lived horror after nightmare after horror. _What was it Fives said when he died?_

_“The missions, the nightmares… they’re finally over.”_

Now the nightmare had taken over everything. The pseudo-peace would not last, especially with the new power that had risen. 

The Clone War was over, but the galaxy could still feel the effects. They rippled across the seams of their societies. The Galactic Republic was no more. All there was now was the Empire. A shell of the thing he once served with all his heart, mind, and soul. The thing he watched collapse-- the thing he had helped bring down. 

It dragged his best friends, his brothers, down with it. It grabbed their ankles and brought them to a fate worse than hell. Rex couldn’t help but feel that he could’ve stopped it, that he could’ve done more. If only he’d listened to Fives… 

Rex stared numbly into space. He wished that he could go back, and stop all of this from happening. If only he could’ve saved his brothers, saved his Jedi friends, saved _everyone._

But then again, what could he have done?

He’s a clone. No one listens to them. 

Clones do not cry. Soldiers do not cry. They are bred for battle, wired to kill. They kept pressing on, kept taking the hits. They lived through horrors brought from hell, and they experienced tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. And yet they do not cry.

And yet Rex found himself in such a state where he could do nothing but gently weep. 

\--

The Citadel. 

Perhaps the biggest nightmare of all. 

No one ever came back from that prison. 

But Rex _had._ The team had done the unthinkable. Thay had survived the prison from hell, the place built to hold the Jedi. They escaped, but the cost had been high. 

Rex hadn’t been surprised, but it still hurt to think about the brothers and friends lost on that assignment. 

The mission had been to rescue a Jedi master who held vital information on the secret hyperspace lanes, intel that could change the course of the war. Anakin and Obi Wan had led the attack, taking a small strike team that included Rex. Commander Cody and members from his unit had also come under Obi-Wan’s command. They had been frozen in carbonite, which was an experience Rex would never forget. Ahsoka had snuck on board, much to Anakin’s dismay. Rex had been happy to have her along, truth be told. Without her, the casualties would have been much higher, and they probably wouldn’t have made it out alive. But there was still death and still loss. It had been horrifying to witness. 

The mission became much more complicated than anyone could’ve predicted. The Separatists caught them, and nearly killed them all. The shuttle had been destroyed before they could make their escape. 

That was where Echo had been captured. 

That was where Rex though he lost one of his closest friends, his brother. It had felt like a limb had been ripped off. For days afterward, everytime he closed his eyes, the only thing he could see was Echo running back to the ship, and _dying._ That wasn’t even the most horrifying thing that happened on the mission.

They hadn’t even been able to keep the Jedi they’d been tasked with rescuing alive. 

This was the nightmare that plagued Rex most frequently. It had been both a triumph and a disaster. The prison was gone physically, but it took hold of his head and locked him there. 

This was the first time Survivor's Guilt hit him _hard_. 

It would not be the last. 

And yet, the war went on. The killing went on. Rex couldn’t stop it, so he embraced it and kept fighting on. 

\--

Not all Jedi were good. 

That was the hard lesson Rex and so many other clones learned under the command of General Krell. Krell had been incharge of the front on Umbara, a dark, forested planet where both the locals and separatists were actively trying to kill them. They had needed real leadership on that world. Anakin had been there for a short time, but he had been recalled to a different front, leaving Rex and the 501st to serve under Krell. 

Krell always ordered the same attack, over and over again: a frontal assault. He was nothing like the other generals Rex has served under. He never put himself in harm’s way. He commanded from the back, which was a foreign experience to him. He was so used to having the generals fight by his side, as a friend. What’s more, he didn’t give a damn about which lives were lost, about how many of his brothers were killed by those foolish orders. Rex had tried to tell him otherwise, and when he refused to listen, he went behind his back.

He defied orders. 

This was not the first, nor the last time he would do that. 

It nearly cost Jesse’s and Fives’ lives. Krell ordered their deaths. To be shot by _other clones._ They were supposed to be executed by **_his_ ** _own hands._ That was not a death of a soldier, and Jesse and Fives deserved much, much better than that. 

Not that it mattered in the long run. They both were killed when he could’ve done something, when he was right there and watching. 

Krell threatened to kill Rex afterward. Rex had not been afraid. He would’ve been happy to die knowing that he had done the right thing. 

Before that could happen, there was a battle. That battle changed _everything_ about that front. There were claims that the Umbarans had been attacking them disguised as clones. 

That had been a lie. 

They had been set up. 

_By the General himself._

They had arrested him, questioned him. He admitted to being a traitor, and died not being ashamed of his actions. 

He had been a Jedi. He was supposed to be good, a symbol of justice and honor. But there was not a single loyal or honorable bone in that man’s body. He betrayed the Republic and his Order without a second thought. He sacrificed lives without a second thought, without ever putting himself in the line of fire. 

Not all Jedi were good. 

_\--_ _  
_ Anakin Skywalker. 

The general Captain Rex and the 501st served under.

One of the bravest men Rex knew. 

Rex’s best friend. 

The last time he had heard from him was before the attack on Mandalore. Anakin had come up with a strategy that had let them win a battle. A battle they almost lost. They had gotten to use _jetpacks_ which had been quite the experience. The droids never stood a chance. And after that, Ashoka came back. Anakin had trusted him to help his former commander, and Rex was happy to do so. Anakin was going to rescue the Chancellor and confront Count Dooku. Rex half expected that the next time he would see him, the war would be over and they would be free. 

That didn’t happen, obviously. 

When he had been escaping with Ahsoka, he hadn’t even thought about where Anakin or Obi-Wan had been. He just assumed they had died, had been shot down by their own troops. He never dug deeper than that, just letting himself believe they were dead. It was just another body or two to be added to the death count, right?

Rex hated the thought of that.

Anakin deserved a better death than the one that had been slated for the Jedi Order.

Anakin cared about the clones. He supported them and stood by them. He fought side by side with them, throwing his life in the same amount of danger as the rest of them. He was willing to help them. He was a good man and he cared about the galaxy. 

Anakin’s ghost was sometimes among those of his brothers. Those were usually on the worst days, when the guilt reached a crescendo and the ghosts were so solid he felt like he could touch them. Anakin would look at him with sadness in his gaze. Sometimes he would thank him for saving Ashoka, other times he would ask him why he hadn’t been there for _him._ Rex never knew what to say to the ghosts. 

It was always hardest with General Skywalker. He looked at him in a way that made Rex lose all of his ability to speak. 

But then he learned the horrifying truth. 

Anakin Skywalker suffered a fate worse than death. A fate that he had chosen willingly. A fate he had walked into with little hesitation. 

He turned away from the light, and walked into the shadows. He became a monster. He became none other than Darth Vader, the scourge and terror of the galaxy. It made him sick to his stomach to even think about that. How could Anakin have fallen so far? And for what? Rex had known, and he doubted he ever would. It was a question that circled his mind. 

Anakin’s ghost never left the others, even after Rex learned the truth. Perhaps it was because, in his mind, Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker were two completely different men. Anakin was good, kind, and compassionate. Darth Vader was cruel, cold, and evil. 

Anakin Skywalker. 

The general Captain Rex and the 501st served under.

One of the bravest men Rex knew. 

Rex’s best friend. 

Darth Vader, terror of the Galaxy. 

_\--_

_Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders._

Those were the words uttered in an endless loop by Tups. He had been like a broken recorder, only able to mutter the same message over and over again. No one, not even the doctors of Kamino, could make sense of them and why he was saying them. On the surface, they were logical. Rex knew this. They had been engraved into them before they were even born. It was locked into their heads, and there was no key to free them. 

But why Tups had been saying them, no one knew. And why he shot the Jedi general, no one knew. And why he died, no one knew.

Expect Fives. Brave Fives, who defied the orders to stay away. Fives, who bent over backwards to try and save his friend. Fives, who did everything he could to uncover the secrets of the Republic. Fives, who was now dead because of his choices and his bravery. He had been driven to madness. At least, that’s what the reports said. 

Rex had felt obligated to report _something_ , anything about the findings that his brother had laid down his life to discover—even if they turned out to be false and useless. But as he recorded the information, he couldn’t help but feel as if maybe Fives had been on to something. Maybe he was right. Maybe...maybe what had happened to Tups would someday happen to all of them. 

Rex traced the side of his forehead, where the chip was. The chip that made him a killing machine, one that let him shoot enemies without second thought, one that let him serve the Republic without question. He narrowed his eyes as he reread the files and then sighed. He shut the hologram off dejectedly.

He didn’t want to think about that right now. 

After all, what could a mere clone do? He was just letters and numbers to the rest of the Galaxy. Just another white clad Soldier, marching along to the beat that someone else was drumming. He couldn’t imagine that he would make a difference. Maybe Fives had dreamed too big. He went off the deep end. The look in his eyes was not human. They had been crazed, wild and darting around like a caged animal...until the end. Rex hadn’t been able to do anything for his brother. He had been trapped behind a shield, only able to beg for the other clones to listen and to wait, and then beg for Fives to put the damn guns down. Maybe if he had listened, he would still be alive. Maybe they could’ve stopped Order 66 before it even happened...

Rex couldn’t make a difference and he couldn’t change the past. He felt himself being drawn back into it, starting to remember that fateful and horrible day. All he could do was close his eyes and gently weep.

\--

Rex threw his bags into the ship absentmindedly. He stared numbly at the vehicle. The colors blended together in his mind, forming a grey blotch. His knees were still shaking from the ordeal he had just experienced. He couldn’t think straight. It could be the chip’s removal...or it could be the helmets that dotted the ground meters away. His fallen brothers. His family, all gone. There was no one left. Just a sea of graves marked with red, white, and gray helmets. Helmets that would surely be beaten down by the elements until there was nothing left, and that there would only be bones. His brothers would be forgotten by history, this battle would never be documented except by the footnotes. 

No one cared about the deaths of clones. It had been a lesson that Rex had been learning… only the best of generals grieved a fallen brother. The rest of the galaxy… they didn’t understand. Losing a fellow soldier was like losing a limb. Rex was no stranger to his men dying under his command. He would, if he could, hold them until they breathed their last, until their nightmare was over. And then he would mourn them, with the rest of his brothers, until the Republic sent another one. But nothing could ever fill the voids that his fallen family left. And now… now he had no one. He was alone. All the other clones were dead… or were not themselves. They had been twisted and warped by the chip, the chip that Fives had told them would be their undoing. 

It was his fault.

He should’ve listened.

Fives had been right all along.

Now everything had fallen apart in one, singular, fateful day. He steadied himself against the ship’s side and looked away. Ahsoka Tano, his former commander and good friend, had been the only other one to survive the crash. She had been a target of Order 66, and it was only thanks to her that Rex wasn’t another one of the soldiers turned against his superiors, against his _friends_.

_But he had been willing to do it._

_He remembered receiving the transmission, wondering if it was congratulation on capturing Maul._

_“Execute Order 66.”_

_He remembered the words echoing in his head, over and over again. He remembered the rest of his brothers’ activating their weapon, ready to kill someone who they had been serving without hesitation. He remembered shouting at them to stop, saying that_ **_he_ ** _would be the one to do it. He remembered holding his blasters up, feeling his hands shake as he turned his weapons against his_ ~~_friend_ ~~ _enemy. He remembered her expression as he fired and she dodged, her face one of complete betrayal and hurt. He remembered ordering the manhunt for her. He remembered IT ALL._

_It didn't feel like he had been the one doing it, it was like watching from outside his body. The hands that shot at his friends were not his. THEY WERE NOT HIS. But yet he still continued on, as if this was the normal and right thing to do. He hadn't even been worried at the time. Good soldiers follow orders, right?_

He remembered waking up in shock, feeling the cold feeling of what he had almost done. 

He remembered helping Ahsoka. 

He remembered killing his brothers to save them.

_They weren’t themselves. They weren’t themselves. They weren’t themselves._

Right?

That’s what Rex had to tell himself. 

Ahsoka wasn’t at fault. She had tried to save them. She had tried to convince Rex that they could be saved, that there had to be a way. No one wanted to believe that more than him… but he couldn’t afford to let either of them be blinded by false hope. She listened to his reason. It hurt both of them more than they would ever be able to put into words. Even now, he could feel the guilt radiating off of her like one of the suns that shone cooly over his head. He wished he could reassure her, but he couldn’t even comfort himself.

The former padawan’s stance wavering slightly as she stared across the sea of helmets that dotted the sandy white surface. The helmets that had been painted in her honor only days ago. Rex followed her gaze to the front helmet, the one that belonged to Jesse. It was painted with the iconic blue of the 501st, with a gray embellishment of the symbol of the Galactic Republic in the center. It used to symbolize honor and loyalty, strong and good. The symbol undoubtedly would become one of fear and evil, with the Sith Lords at the head of it all. Rex bowed his head. 

Dust and sparks from dying fires swirled around, picked up by the wind that blew softly around them. Smoke from the crashed cruiser blew up in clouds. The creaks and groans from the still collapsing ship echoed in his ears as the metal continued to shift, continuing to be burned apart. 

He was almost jealous of his brothers had died before this happened.  
  


_Cutup, Hevy, Tupps, Fives, so many others from the 501st._

The deaths of the clones on the ship would not have to watch the Empire destroy the Republic. That was something. Not that they would know the difference because of that chip, the thing that started _all of this._

_Echo._

Echo had been Rex’s partner in crime. They came up with the plans that took the droids by surprise, that stopped them from defeating them in critical battles. Rex had thought he had died in the Citadel mission like so many others, but he had been _alive_ but held prisoner by the Separatists. They’d rescued him weeks earlier. He had been a machine until they freed him from the Separatists. He had settled in with the Bad Batch, and he hadn’t seen him since.

Now was he part of a new machine? 

Rex couldn’t think about that. The thought itself brought tears to his eyes. He pushed his thoughts down. _Not now. I can’t. You have to get out of here, get away from this planet, start over._

What the hell was he supposed to do now?

If the Empire ever found out he betrayed them, he was dead. As much as he missed his friends and brothers, he still had a will to live, to fight. He was willing to live with his mistakes, with his failures. Someday there would be a chance to redeem himself, he had to believe that. 

The former captain turned his attention back to Ashoka. She was holding her lightsaber in front of her, back to him. Her hands shook slightly as she stared at her weapon, the weapon that had been used to kill so many people and droids alike. She dropped it on the ground and Rex couldn’t help but feel that she was letting a piece of herself go. 

Ahsoka turned back to Rex and walked to their ship. Rex nodded to her and she smiled softly back. 

“I think… I’m ready.” The words were soft, almost too quiet for him to hear. 

“Me too,” Rex replied quietly. The pair of them took one last look at the helmets. The helmets glistened in the light, their mixed colors illuminated by the setting sun. Ahsoka pulled down her hood and bowed her head in respect. Rex closed his eyes. 

He climbed into the pilot’s seat and stared at the console. Ahsoka slid into the copilot’s chair. Rex flipped the switches and turned the ship on, feeling it rumble to life. He breathed in deeply, and grasped the ship’s controls in his hands. He eased the ship up into the atmosphere of the planet they crashed on. He was leaving the 501st behind for the last time. He wouldn’t see them again. Ever. Only in his nightmares. 

There would be a time to grieve later. 

There would be a time to reflect later. 

There would be a time to cry later.

For now, Rex could only gently weep.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahem. 
> 
> As you have noticed, I write A LOT of angst.
> 
> STAR WARS!!!!!!!
> 
> I love star wars. 
> 
> It was a huge part of my childhood. 
> 
> I BAWLED during the last scene. 
> 
> I hope y'all like this? Rex was fun to write. 
> 
> Thanks to AutumnBlownAway for being my beta again. Love ya.
> 
> dedicated to a couple o my friends-- Richie and Exho. Enjoy the Rex angst that you didn't ask for but you got anyway.
> 
> Not much else to say?? I wasn't expecting to finish this but I just. Did. 
> 
> Stay safe out there!


End file.
